Storms dark cloud of depression

Depression has many faces.   For some it is hidden behind a very calculated smile and carefully selected words, and for others it is laid bare for the world to see.  Being faced with fear and anger, while walking the path of unknown hurdles can leave a person staring down the barrel of depression.   I think if we are being honest, there isn’t anyone that hasn’t felt at one time or another  as if depression was looming over head waiting to consume the very life out of ones heart.    The unknown brings to the surface fear, anger, questions of “why” and “what’s next!”

This storm, the one we are in right now, feels heavy and almost to the point of chocking my very breath from me.  Ashley is working through this journey to regain her health and strength,  and to get home to her husband and daughters.  It has been 8 weeks since her surgery.  I have to tell you as her Mom that my heart is breaking and I feel like I am going to suffocate.   There is a lot going on in our life right now that threatens to bring me to the threshold of depression.  Very intense work situations, family health, friends health, and shuffling in between hospital and caring for the girls brings my heart to the full mark.  I love having my granddaughters around, they bring joy to my soul and I am thankful for the relationship we have always had.   They miss Mom and want to have her home and yet in the middle of all of that, they are being very brave.  They pray for Mom and talk to her on the phone.  They tell me all the things that they do as a family and it makes my heart full of pride of the parents that Ashley and Corey are.   This is still hard.

If I have ever lead you to believe that being a Christian is a “cake walk”, let me help you understand better than that.   When you believe in Christ as your personal saviour, you are giving him your life.  In giving Him your life and commitment, you are givin in return, the most amazing gift of Love.   It isn’t a magic potion, or a quick fix to have everything come up daisies.   It is a commitment between a loving Heavenly Father and a person who really can only accept what He is offering fully through faith.   We have the Bible, we have history and we have others around us that believe the same, but the true crux of what we believe, is based on faith. On those things that you see in your life where you KNOW it was God.   You can’t see it, or touch it, you can only know it.  You don’t know completely how to explain how you know, but you know.  It is like for minutes at a time you get a glimpse of the saviour and all that he offers and the first thing he offers is self sacrificing, all encompassing, undeserved love and salvation.

He didn’t pick this to happen to our family and I don’t believe He picked your storm either. What He does do is to provide us a way of getting through this life with hope when we trust in Him.  We have assurance that He hears us, and face with confidence that there is nothing we will face that He isn’t beside us.   It doesn’t mean at times we aren’t afraid, angry, or confused, at times He even feels silent. those days are real too.    I have walked this walk with him for 49 years now and can tell you of many, many events in my life that He has proven himself in ways I didn’t expect.  Some of the times the answers I got I still question, but still in my heart I know He was there.  I know that I am not alone.  The tapping on the door of depression that knocks at times can be overwhelming and the journey to trusting Him can take every ounce of faith we can muster.  I pray believing, and know that He is completely able to do more than I can ask.   Then, through heavy heart, tears, confidence, unexplained times of peace and rest that seems unexplainable, He sees it all and then I wait…..

I can confidently say that He is my rock that I lean into even though I can’t feel his arms, my soul knows He is there:

Psalm 18:1,2

I love you, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

He is my shelter in this storm, He is my strength.   I am learning to take a deeper dive in to the refuge of his word and believe He doesn’t pick the hard times, but we don’t have to do this alone,He is there.    Ashley will one day be at home again and will be smiling that beautiful smile of joy that pours from her heart.   For now, she battles along with the doctors for healing and strength and we walk the walk of faith beside her knowing that Christ is there with us.   He cares for her, and loves her,He loves my whole wee family and He knows all our hurts and stresses right now.   He and his word is our refuge.  

If you are facing depression, please take time to learn more about God and His amazing gift of love He freely offers.  Seek medical help, either through a doctor or counsellor if it is all just too hard.   They too are amazing help through the hard times in life.  Then, email me, or message me and I will pray for you in your storm as I know many are praying for us in ours. 

Love, hugs n’ prayers


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Jackie, thank you very much for this! This reminded me that accepting Christ into your heart will not make your life an easy one, it won’t spare you of being human and experiencing all that it comes with but that in the midst of all those experiences God’s love is great, great enough to get us through without fail. Sometimes we can’t see Him and yes then it is our duty to have faith. It might be the only way we could show Him our gratitude, by trusting in Him and His plan even when He hasn’t shown us the way yet. Bless you and your family

  2. speak766 says:

    Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

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