Right now through this time of life there is a lot of stuff that is driving me crazy! Everything that is happening to Ashley and how this has affected us all as a family and continually wonder, “Is this really happening!?” There are days I wake up and wonder how did we get here and what on earth could even possibly be the purpose!
Hamsters, that’s it, Hamsters… that is what I feel like! I feel like I am going round and round in a wheel and don’t even know where I am going and what the outcome is going to be. Ever wonder what a hamster is thinking on that wheel? “Keep going, keep going …. run faster, you will get there. There has to be something at the end of this! Food maybe?” Ok, so likely they aren’t thinking anything of the kind, it just looks pointless. Round and round….
I can’t help but wonder what the conversation would have been amongst the soldiers that were commanded to walk around the walls of Jericho. I wonder if they thought, “This is pointless! Let’s just get at it and take this city down!”. Yet, step by step, day by day, round, round round they went around the wall of that great city. They were faithful soldiers to their commander, Joshua. They had seen the things that God had done and they were walking faithfully out of obedience to God when it just didn’t make sense.
Jericho walls for me right now is the pain I feel for Ashley, Corey, the kids and our family in general. The affect of all of this on the life of one of the most amazing women I know, my daughter. How did this happen? Four months, now starting the 5th month and she is still not well, and we wait. The walls surrounding this are the walls of doubt, anger, frustration and fear. Are the walls real? Yup, just like the walls of Jericho. They were real, and strong, and had held the people of Jericho in what was their refuge. The walls of doubt, anger and fear can only be there if I let myself live behind them. I have to step outside of them and keep walking believing that God is ahead of us and taking us through this time at His side. The day will come when the Lord will break these walls down, that I am sure of. Until then I have to keep walking in faith, trust and belief that He is a good God and that there are many blessings to account for even up to now.
I don’t know for sure what the soldiers were thinking, but I do know one thing, they were faithful, even when it didn’t make sense. I want so badly for God to find me faithful in this. To find me praying with no doubt, praying with confidence knowing that the walls to all of this will fall and we will see clearly the plans God has for us all moving forward.
Until then, “Just keep marching” is what I hear in my heart. The trumpet will sound and the walls will come tumbling down and Ashley will be home happy, health, safe and sound enjoying her little family.
Are you walking around walls of stuff in your life? Just keep walking keeping in view the God that loves you desperately. Keep watching for ways that He will use you through this. He is using Ashley and Corey in their strong sweet ways in the people at the hospital, He won’t waste this. Right now none of this. makes sense, but I know that we have our marching orders:
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock. – Isaiah 26:4
We aren’t hamsters on a wheel, but we are having to live life within this time in our lives. We are having to put our faith in practice in ways we never thought we would. In and through all of this there will be a purpose we must just keep marching in faith trusting in our everlasting rock.
Hugs n Prayers