Mother’s Heart: Feeling with no name (ponderings)


I sit and watch the goings on at the street level below the 10thfloor.  One of the things that I like to see on a rainy day is the many umbrellas that come out.   The morning might have started off sunny, but then the rain showers come and the umbrellas come out.  I love all the colors!

” I don’t know their names, nor do I know their stories.

We live in a world where there are many “umbrellas” we can hide under.  Our lives can be moving along like a sunny clear morning and then the rain showers of life begin. We hide under many types of umbrellas, some hide under the face of laughter that hides a broken heart. Others, well they hide under anger or issues that have torn through their lives. And then, there are those that hide under the binding grip of alcohol abuse and drug abuse.   They are all alive too, you can see them all around you.  In our homes, schools, offices, hospitals and streets.  At times we too are hiding under umbrellas of our own and no one else knows our stories.

I have tried to be pretty open about the journey we have been on by laying feelings out for you to read, and at times I have cried, been angry and felt lost in a feeling that I couldn’t even name.   Then I look up and I see my most secure umbrella, the relationship with Jesus.  In these past months He has hidden me under his umbrella of love, silence, surprises, answered prayers of hope and for sure a peace at times that makes no sense.  He has and does understand my mom heart and wife heart and grammy heart and has continued to keep me putting one foot in front of the other.

shower-shower-head-water-drop-of-water-161502.jpegThrough the last few months I have soaked myself in time spent in the book of Job.  I know, I have said that before in other posts, but it is true.  I will admit that I am not done yet, not at all, but I felt I needed to point something out to you that happens near the end of the book.

Job spends time to confess to God that he himself as a mere human can’t comprehend how great God is and knows that some of the words he has said through his journey has been uncalled for.   He came face to face with the sovereignty of God in the answers God gave him.  He learned that He can be under the umbrella of the love of the sovereign God.

Please read:   Job 42:1-6

31437497_10155293097221990_8478263943360413696_nI am under the umbrella of the Sovereign God whom I love and adore.   On the days like today when I can’t put a name to the feelings I have because they are so mixed between hope and sadness, I know that He sees all things that He has His plan.  He knows it all and I can rest in His care even when I can’t name it.   Praying for “His care and keeping” is something my Mom has done for years and that is where I rest…. In HIS care and keeping and trust that as I repent and confess to Him in the quiet of my heart that He will continue to mold me and make me to the woman that He wants me to be, both here in the hospital and when we are all home.  For now He will use us right where we are and under His umbrella I will stay.

Hugs n Prayers



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