There are many kinds of anniversaries aren’t there? Anniversaries from our meeting our best friend, engagements, marriages… I love all those ones. I never thought I would face an anniversary with such mixed emotions as I do the 1st year anniversary of our motorcycle accident. June 24, 2017 our lives changed forever in that second the semi truck hit our bike.
I was thrown, Darwin was thrown and then time stood still as I ran to Darwin and thought I had lost him… I thought he was dead.
He was unconscious for a few seconds and then came too confused as to what had happened. I didn’t lose consciousness and remember that day clearly. Some things don’t go away!
As we face this anniversary I am working to take this as a challenge so, I thought I would share it with you. Hold me accountable if you will, if you see me slip to the fear, anger and frustration that over takes me from time to time. The dreams still continue and the sadness still sweeps over on days I want to be snuggling behind him on our bike in the great outdoors. When I see the longing in his eyes to be on the bike, those days are hard but we both decided… it was a season in our life so we move on. The taste of those days are over and have mixed emotions with them. So, here is my challenge to me…. ready?
- To remember what Darwin said the week after the accident “God saved our lives and our gear saved our body”. We have been saved for a purpose. Our time was not yet up.
- To remember that the day we were saved from dying means that we have a job to do. To live authentically in the knowledge that our lives should / could and would have been over if we didn’t have purpose to be here.
- To remember on the days that are hard when pain strikes deeper than the will to fight it, to not want to find the trucker and punch him in the nose.. or something. To not let bitterness ride my heart and take me down.
- To remember that each morning I wake up beside Darwin that my life is full. It is rich because of the love we have for each other and the joy that we share together can be gone in an instant. That moment I thought he had died I felt something that I hope I never have to feel. I hope just like Winnie the Pooh does that I live “one less day” that Darwin does so that I never feel that feeling again. I pray that God will help me to find a way to pour into people who have suffered loss in a way that He can use that feeling inside of me to be compassionate and sincere and not pretend I know…but rather… to be there… to listen.. to care because I can’t imagine!
- To remember always.. that purpose in life sometimes is just to breath. Just to walk beside our families through the hard times and enjoy the fun together. Sometimes purpose is about writing a note, sending flowers, smiling, and sometimes it is just to be in silent prayer. Prayer for those that are missing the amazing fact that Jesus loves them. Not because He is a dictator and wants to rule, but rather that He died for them.. for me. He did that because He knew in the moment that Adam and Eve ate of that fruit the suffering that every generation after would face and He wanted to provide us hope, and wanted to walk this life with us.. so we weren’t alone. We just have to ask Him in… He won’t push. If my purpose to live after that accident was to share that with even one… or to love in prayer or a smile or a note and that turn even one person to Jesus… then what a privilege it is to live and the accident has purpose.
This anniversary has to be celebrated I guess… not sure how…but it must be, it has to be. It is the day our lives changed and even though the pain in my shoulder, and hands, Darwin’s leg and back and the dreams .. oh the dreams .. they all might continue, so does our life! We are blessed and hold a responsibility to live with purpose and to always, always find joy. We are here to see so much … now… to move on into the next year waiting to see how God will make beauty from the ashes of the hard we lay before Him of that day. He does… one day.. one step… one prayer at a time.
Hugs n Prayers (PS. Remember all the gear.. all the time and to dress for the slide… not the ride)