This morning I am sitting in my living room. I have to admit, I am skipping church this morning. Emotions are high, and I just know I would just sit there and cry. This past 14 months has been heavy. If you have followed this blog, then you know what this time has been: our accident, injuries at work, our daughter’s hospitalization, mom’s stroke and my brother in laws cancer and now the reality that he is gone. It has been many months of heavy hearts.
Through this time I have found myself praying much, much time in God’s word and so many days of pondering and working through to the joy in the day because each day holds some. Whether it be small and requires a search through the moments, or it is so obvious you are brought to a sense of overwhelm… joy is still there. But lately, I have felt a sense of overwhelm that has left me feeling lost.
Today, the quiet has brought me to a place where I had to examine my heart to find out what I am worshipping. Where is my heart right now? Is my worship about God, or have I let life, family, work, mourning, loss and sadness become what I worship? I love, actually treasure being Wife , Mom and Grammy.. each of those people hold my very heart beat in each day. But, is my focus so much on them and the hard that has happened that I have lost the heart of worship of God?
Have you ever sat through a worship service at church and critiqued the set up of the instruments or don’t like the songs, or is the music too soft or too loud? Or you wish they would play more contemporary songs, or more old hymns? I have done all of that. Take note that the service is called a “worship”service. We aren’t there to worship the people or the music.. we are there to worship Jesus. We aren’t called to worship our church, our families or our pastors, we are called to worship HIM.
“Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.” Luke 4:8
“But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deuteronomy 4:29
We are to care, and love and cherish our families, but our worship is to be for God and Him alone. We are not only to worship, we are to seek Him.
My head has been so taxed over time in these months and it has brought me to a place that in this last few weeks I have to admit that I have felt so broken inside. I have pushed away and I haven’t spent the time praying as much, or reading in God’s word or spending quiet time with Him in the way that I was, and have, and should be. I let my focus of worship be the things that have happened and allowed the ache in my heart to pull me away from the heart of worship. I have tried to look for the things that made me “feel” good and not on the one who has walked this path with me. God has not only carried me through his past year and a bit, He is the one that has lifted me and given me strength that can only come from Him. Without Him, I am broken. With Him my broken pieces are given strength to face the day and have hope not only for myself but for all those I love. Now is time to refocus on Him. Not for what He can do, but simply on Him. To worship the Father, Redeemer, Saviour, Friend, Creator that He is. In that worship I know I will find rest… I have been there before. As I journey through Jesus in His word I need to focus on who He is.
This song came up on my Facebook feed this morning and reminded me my worship needs to be on Him alone. I hope it helps you find where your heart of worship is too, if it isn’t on Him… seek Him… you will find He is there waiting for you.
Hugs n’ Prayers