The greatest pleasures I have in life are summed up in my husband, children, in-law children and grandchildren. I believe that I was born for the single purpose of loving them. I often times wish that I could see into their hearts what I see in their eyes.
As little children I could sense pretty quick a mood, joy or sadness by looking in to their eyes. I remember the many days of the quiet hugs where I didn’t know what was going on , but knew there was something that brought them to my embrace for comfort. When they were little it was always easier to know what to do. When your children become adults, it changes. Your heart knows, oh my goodness it knows by looking into their eyes when life is good and when challenges are there, but you don’t get to do much because they have their own decisions to make. They aren’t mine any more. As adults they have to have their own ideals, hopes, dreams, disappointments and well… stuff. I have told all of my little family many times that I would lay before a freight train to protect them. …. but is that enough? Would that fix things anyways? No.
Since I can’t carry them any more and put them on my knee, since I can’t wipe their tears and make things better, since I can’t carry their responsibilities, I have had to learn to carry them in a different way. To see the joy or pain in their eyes and know that I can’t do anything but just be here for them. The way I can carry them now is by love, prayer and … sigh…freedom.
Love – it is unconditional. It does not matter what they do, how much hurt I might feel at times, or choices that they may make, my love is unconditional. “Home is always Home”, I have said that thousands of times so that they know as long as I have breath I am here for them. I want them to know that I believe in them, in the people they are and the potential they have to accomplish anything they want. And that no matter what I will walk it with them.
Prayer – it is constant. I pray for them during the day, the evening and many MANY times into the wee hours of the night. I have been woken up with a real sense of urgency for them… and I pray. I believe without a doubt that Jesus sees them, loves them and cares about them more than I can even begin to know. The example of love that I want to follow in is His. He loves always, forgives when we come to him with things no other can forgive us for and He never turns us away. So, in my thoughts what better place to go than at the feet of my Heavenly Father who loves me and them and plead before him on their behalf.
Freedom – this is the hard part! This is part that grips my heart and makes me feel like I am going to lose my stomach. This one I fight with as being unconditional, you see I will always want to fix and help and do for them, to make everything right for them. Always. Giving them freedom is showing them I believe in them in a way that gives them wings to try, to make their own mistakes and to pick themselves back up. And this, is what makes me cry deeper than anything else I know. In that freedom I know they will make mistakes and choices that will hurt them, bring them joy and at times make time stand still as they wait to see the results of their own choices, why do I know that? Because I have been there, I made my own choices, some bringing joy and some hurts in life too.
So then, how do I carry them? I carry them to Jesus and trust Him to work in their life. To let them know I am here when they want me. To work in my life and give me strength when tears just come easier than trust. I am so proud of my children, in law children and grandchildren. No matter what their choices, no matter the hurts or happiness I might feel, they are my pride, my joy and my blessing. Some miraculous way God has chosen me to be their Mom / Grammy and wife and what a privilege it is, tears and all. What a blessed woman I am.
Hugs n Prayers