I have been a Christian for a long time, a really long time actually. Time is not a measure of maturity, both in physical age and in christian faith.
It is 3:30 am and I am awake. As Wife, Mom, Mother in Law, Grammy, Daughter, Sister and friend my heart is heavy, Lots going on in my small world around me that I live in, and much going on in the world around me that encompasses millions. The Covid-19 virus has consumed the world in the grip of fear and unknown, but right now my mind is not on the virus. That I have put aside tonight.
As a Christian, one of the most important lessons I have learned about my faith walk is that it is a good thing that God didn’t put me front and centre as the way you should do life. As an example of one to follow to “do it right” that would not be me. I have failed miserably in all the areas that I am responsible for and affected lives of those I am not even responsible for but have been in contact with. I have hurt many by actions taken and often times by actions not followed through with. If you are one of the ones hurt by me, I am sorry.
I want to clarify. I am not writing this to try and get myself out of hot water, I am sorry because I might have hurt you and I know I have hurt those around me I love deeply. If I could change all that hurt , I would so long as it is legal, morally right and would cause no more pain. My family could make a list of their own of things I should have done, could have done, shouldn’t have done and should have done or not done. I am confident of that. Yet, they continue to love me.
I am sitting here with tears right now. I woke up and couldn’t sleep, I decided to get up and spend sometime into my bible and this is where I landed. Psalm 28 6-9
My lack of sleep tonight brought me to this place, I have sat here and cried a bunch of tears before the Lord for my family and each of their needs. I have laid before God my fears and my anguish for the things my husband, children, in law children, grandchildren, parents, extended family are each walking through. And then came verse 9 at the end.
“Be their shepherd and carry them forever”. I can’t fix things for my family, I can’t undo the wrongs, or create the perfect life for any of them. What I can do is plead before the Heavenly Father I love so deeply to be the Shepherd of those I love. To ask Him to carry them, I am not able and not worthy. I am in desperate need of a Shepherd as well and daily learn a little more of what it is to be carried.
Are you carrying your family? Are you trying to make everything ok for them? Is the pain of your loved ones like a weight on your heart? There is one place to take them, to the one who wants to Shepherd us all. I am praying for each of you that might read this right now, that God will give you a sense of peace that He hears your plea before Him on their behalf.. on your behalf.
I am going to try and go back to sleep now. I will try and sleep with the image in my mind of the Creator, the Great I Am, Redeemer, Father, Friend carrying my family, not just through the current storms but forever. Thank you Father for your word in the wee hours of this April 8, 2020
Hugs n prayers